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Haunted: The Demos That Wouldn't Die (2003​-​2005)

by Brian Andrew Marek

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1.
Haunted 02:27
I see your face while you are gone I see your face while you are gone guess it's kind of funny how your presence lingers on, but I see your face while you are gone I hear your voice after you leave I hear your voice after you leave guess it's kind of crazy and a bit hard to believe, but I hear your voice after you leave maybe it might be a trick of the light or the mice scampering out of view maybe a breeze has been tickling my knees or perhaps I'm just thinking of you I feel your touch when you're not here I feel your touch when you're not here guess it's kind of scary but it never brings me fear, no I feel your touch when you're not here
2.
I have to smile when you smile, when you smile I have to laugh when you laugh, when you laugh without the sweet love that you bring I don’t know if I could survive you keep me from going insane you keep me alive without you beside me at night I’d probably just lie awake you put me together with glue whenever I break and as a small token of my esteem you can accompany me in my dream in my dream without your encouraging words I’d probably hang up my hat you fill me with confidence and I thank you for that
3.
I'm going to Wyoming I've got no specific reason it just seems like something that I ought to do I've burned too many bridges in the town that I grew up in and it's time I burned my bridges somewhere new but don't cry goodbye until you see me walk don't cry goodbye in shock you know it's just talk I'm off to Idaho because I've never been to Boise and I think I'd like the change of scenery I'm sick of driving up and down the same familiar highways in a failed attempt to get away from me but don't cry goodbye until you see me walk don't cry goodbye in shock you know it's just talk I'm headed for Nebraska where there's nobody that knows me and there's no one who can judge me by my past I'm looking for a fresh start and I'm looking for a clean slate and I'm hoping my deception's going to last but don't cry goodbye until you see me walk don't cry goodbye in shock you know it's just talk
4.
Vodka Queens 02:49
down at Frankie's Tavern, beneath the neon glow I know the names of people I don't really want to know the kind that don't have much to say but feel the need to say it really loud the kind that get their validation standing in the center of a crowd vodka queens tequila kings vodka queens down at Frankie's Tavern, lined up against the bar are seated several asses you can kiss to be a star they'll cast you in a drama but they'll laugh like they are watching comedy they'll turn your home away from home into a place you'll never want to see down at Frankie's Tavern, another era ends I used to think that I was in the company of friends but any back that's turned is just as good a place as any for a knife and gossip is the closest thing some people have to any kind of life
5.
you say that I’ve got to change this life of mine you say my head’s in the clouds or up where the sun doesn’t shine you say that I’ve got to change the life I lead you say the things that I want imperil the things that I need how can I smile when I’m falling apart at the seams how can I laugh when I’m losing the girl of my dreams you say that I’ve got to change the life I choose you say if I’m going to win I’ll first have to learn how to lose you say that I’ve got to change the life I live you say you’re leaving because you’ve given me all you can give
6.
you come on like a first class scream you haunt me like a bad dream you laid my finest years to waste you linger like a bad taste you won’t give it a rest but I am not impressed! you cut me up and cut me down you dress me like a sad clown you say that it’s for my own good you shot me down where I stood you put me to the test but I am not impressed! I’m thinking of the times we shared and thinking that you never cared even then I’m wishing we had never met and wishing that I could forget and wishing you were back again you’ve got me headed for a fall you hit me like a brick wall you battered and abused my pride you left me nothing inside you’ve given me your best but I am not impressed!
7.
by now I could’ve been a big success if I had slept some more and stayed up less but I’m driven to distraction by brunettes and dirty blondes there’s always two or three to catch my eye and I can’t give you a good reason why ‘cos I’m driven to distraction by brunettes and dirty blondes I’m driven to distraction by brunettes and dirty blondes redheads are alright too but there’s just so few around I’ve been with one or two but I checked their roots and found a brunette or a dirty blonde by now I could’ve been a big success if I had worked some more and partied less but I’m driven to distraction by brunettes and dirty blondes I find them everywhere or so it seems they dot my daytime and they fill my dreams ‘cos I’m driven to distraction by brunettes and dirty blondes I’m driven to distraction by brunettes and dirty blondes redheads are alright too but there’s just so few around I’ve been with one or two but I checked their roots and found a brunette or a dirty blonde by now I could’ve been a big success instead my life is just a great big mess ‘cos I’m driven to distraction by brunettes and dirty blondes I ought to tell ‘em all to take a hike and spend my time on something else I like but I’m driven to distraction by brunettes and dirty blondes I’m driven to distraction by brunettes and dirty blondes I’m driven to distraction by brunettes and dirty blondes
8.
strum your weary mandolin I don't know where you've been and I know not to ask strum your weary mandolin you say you've let me in but still you wear a mask silly boy, you wish all parties well and pave a road to hell with your intent silly boy, and when you can't decide you run from side to side until you're spent strum your weary mandolin proclaim your love of sin while wallowing in shame strum your weary mandolin you've spread yourself too thin and fallen to the flame silly boy, this ends the way it starts when juggling with hearts one's got to fall
9.
Bittersweet 03:58
I feel a little like a walking cliché when I insist I never thought that it could end this way but it’s true, you know that it’s true I’m telling you things that you already know when I proclaim it’d take a million years to let you go but it’s true, you know that it’s true oh, what a totally ridiculous life I’ve been feeling unrequited love for my own wife and just to make the whole sad story complete I’ve been putting too much bitter in my bittersweet I get to thinking this is way out of hand when I insist that I’d do anything that you demand but it’s true, you know that it’s true I get to thinking this should set off alarms when I would break another’s heart to be back in your arms but it’s true, you know that it’s true oh, what a totally ridiculous life I’ve apologized for making love to my own wife and just to make the whole sad story complete I’ve been putting too much bitter in my bittersweet you could say I feel a bit obsessive a bit possessive now that you are finally gone you could say I feel a little bitter ‘cos you’re a quitter and it’s me you gave up on
10.
I was looking for salvation at 5 am so naturally I ended up cursed and I told you I was looking for someone bad so naturally I went with the worst and woke up hating myself in the afternoon hangover girl, you blurred my world and laid my Saturday to waste hangover girl, you blurred my world and left a bitter aftertaste I was looking for a safe anonymity so naturally we found out we'd met and I hoped you'd come to view this as some mistake so naturally you had no regrets and left your number hoping I would call again no, it isn't fair of me to act like it's your fault no, you really don't deserve the blame no, there is no honor in the way I washed my hands but I had to do it just the same I was looking for a way to get you to leave so naturally you slept in my bed and I closed my eyes so tightly to shut you out so naturally you got in my head and I had nightmares as you held my body close
11.
made by betrayal, perfected by time I am your throwaway love dreaming of punishment, dreaming of crime I am your enemy, I am your throwaway love can’t speak to you without baring my teeth I am your throwaway love one hundred sorrows to you I bequeath I am your enemy, I am your throwaway love don’t get me wrong and believe that I long for an all-is-forgiven return but maybe, perhaps, when more time has elapsed I’ll forget how it feels to burn lost in the sad afterglow of our dance I am your throwaway love I’ll be the death of you, given the chance I am your enemy, I am your throwaway love
12.
Start Again 03:57
whatever happened to freedom of speech and the right to dissent without fear I've heard democracy's spanning the globe and I hope that one day it comes here no demonstration can rescue a nation held hostage by cynical men I pledge defiance, propose an alliance to wipe the slate clean, start again am I alone in these feelings of helplessness under the thumbs of the thugs give me a reason to want to be numb and give me the appropriate drugs such an elaborate web that they weave such an elaborate lie patriotism got us in this mess treason may be worth a try it can be hard to absorb all the facts when they contradict all you've been told it can be harder comparing your life to the counterfeit dreams you've been sold
13.
I am a dirty old man, you're a crazy, mixed-up kid we opened Pandora's Box and we can't put back the lid you've made a mess of your life, and baby, so have I let's get our kicks in before we die we'll dance in our eggshell minefield we'll escape from the crowd and we'll dance in our eggshell minefield we'll be laughing out loud as we dance in our eggshell minefield and we'll emerge unscathed I am a lazy old cat, you're a bird with broken wings we only argue about the most trivial of things you're just not right in the head, the same is true of me we've got to share the insanity it takes the two of us to know love it takes the two of us to show love I hope you'll never let me go, love I can't be content without you lying by my side
14.
I'm collecting hearts contemplating the carbon dating to find out where it starts who deserves it, how to preserve it for good what is it all about I can't seem to work out the mystery of love I've been up all night analyzing the advertising and coming up with trite explanations for these sensations we feel it makes the world revolve but I can't seem to solve the mystery of love and when it comes to call you'll know it's real despite your history of false alarms and you'll still feel the same old daily doubts and fears but not while you are in her arms
15.
everyone has a heart that’s been broken by somebody they thought they could trust vowing never again to let love in as their dream world is turned into dust but this bitter promise is revealed as a lie when the next big thing saunters by everyone has a heart that’s been calloused and a skin that grows thicker each year the result of a life’s careless handling and the fear of encountering fear but those old scar tissue layers start to fall away when the next big thing comes your way that’s how I feel when I’m with you and that’s how it’s supposed to be I have the faith to see it through so long as you have faith in me everyone has a heart that is beating to the rhythm of someone somewhere and we live in the hope that we’ll find them hold them close and forget all our cares that’s because it doesn’t matter what is in your past when the next big thing is your last

about

This isn't the new Brian Andrew Marek album - nor is it entirely old.

The basis for this album is a series of demos I recorded 2003 through 2005, shortly after buying a new four track cassette recorder. Some were complete and were merely remixed for this project while others received some recent overdubs.

At the time I originally recorded this material, Rocket Park was winding down but I had not begun a solo career. Other songs demoed during this period were rerecorded for my solo debut A Lion in the Sun, but nothing much came of the rest. Several appeared in unfinished form on my THEN! series of archival releases, while "Haunted" itself ended up in the live set lists of Rocket Park and Bargain Basement.

The period between recording Up Against Goodbye and A Lion in the Sun went under-documented, mostly because I had no intention of creating anything releasable at the time. But with some judicious overdubbing and remixing, I think I've managed to transform a handful of "lost" tracks into a credible and enjoyable album experience. Hope you like it!

credits

released August 31, 2005

basic tracks recorded 2003-2005
in the (subliminal banana) annex microstudio

overdubs on some tracks recorded
in november & december of 2018
at wise guise studios & mid-century recorders

written, performed, engineered,
and produced by BaM

Rubberstamp Records RSR-053

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Rubberstamp Records St Louis, Missouri

Rubberstamp Records is a DIY indie record label based in the Saint Louis, MO area and helmed by local music scene veteran Brian Andrew Marek.

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